On Friday March 31st, I drove to Alpine Women’s Center for my weekly ultrasound, cervical check, and non stress test. This had been a regular routine for us for the last 9 or 10 weeks due to my very high risk pregnancy. Each week I went to these appointments with such anticipation that we would get to see our baby girl again on the screen. We were so worried that she would come early, but then after we hit week 35, our worry slowly turned to excitement as that meant we would get a chance to deliver at North Valley Hospital (amazing!) and she was growing so well that we weren’t worried about any pre term labor cautions. So you could say that I was excited when at week 36, Dr. Bowden let me know that I was fully effaced and she was shocked at how low the baby’s head was! Yes! That meant we would see her soon right? We all thought the answer was yes, including the doctors. She was so snug in my small but mighty uterus. However, Baby Girl, had her own plans……starting way back in July 2016….
Let me rewind just a bit to give you a glimpse into our journey with our Baby Girl up to this point. To do so, please watch this short video https://vimeo.com/160304878 . You see, in September 2015, the doctors had determined that the only way Kelly and I were to have children would be through IVF as I had three major fertility strikes against me: Polycystic Ovarian Syndome (PCOS), Endometriosis, and also a failed HSG (both tubes were blocked). To make matters even more “fun”, I was “blessed” with 2 Uterii (Yes 1 Right Uterus and 1 Left Uterus, making the fact that even if was able to get pregnant somehow, we didn’t have a clue how my odd shaped uterine anomaly would handle the growth of baby there. But there were no tests to do so…I just needed to try and find out. Well, my husband and I knew that we wanted a family, but we also were ok with whatever God’s plan was as well…so in the meantime I decided to accomplish a lifetime goal of mine – compete in a full Ironman!
The next 10 months, my good friend Brooke and I set out to accomplish this feat. It is quite the training program but we put in all the work and we competed in a Half Ironman in June as a training event. That went superb and we knew were going to be ready for the full in a few shorts weeks from that race. I had a number of long century (100 Mile) training rides, a 5K swim in Flathead Lake, a number of very long runs and then on August 7th, it was my last planned long workout before the full Ironman. I set out all my nutrition the night before for what would be a 7 hour workout (about 100 mile ride followed by a 15 mile run. I got up the next morning and I just could not get the energy up to train. So I said to myself, well I will rest and try the next day. The next day I got up and felt the same way, only even more tired. I called my training partner Brooke and she said, “Why don’t you take a pregnancy test?” I laughed at her saying, I have not been on birth control in over 10 years – why would it be now that I get pregnant? Plus, all the doctors have told me my only possible option is IVF. However, I just kept feeling worse, so I took a few expired tests out from under my bathroom counter,… I took one and I literally almost fainted. “Pregnant” So I took the 2nd one. “Pregnant” again.. I thought for sure these were wrong, so I started googling “False Positives from Expired Pregnancy Test Kits”.
When my husband returned from golf later that evening, I had thought when I told him Fenway was going to be a big sister that meant I secretly purchased a Puppy! As he was so convinced this was impossible without IVF as well!
Turns out, yes we were 8 weeks pregnant. Baby Girl had been my undisclosed training partner during all those brutal long workouts, a Half Ironman, 2 100 mile century rides, multiple long open water swim workouts. She was already my partner in crime, I just didn’t know it yet!
You can imagine my shock at that moment as I had pictured myself in just 2 weeks competing in a lifelong dream of mine, the Ironman, crossing the finish line with pride and probably a lot of emotion. But, instead, I was about to enter a new kind of Ironman! I won’t lie when I say the decision to not race was not an easy one, but I knew in my heart it was the right one. I cheered on my training partner Brooke to see her cross the finish line! At that moment, I had one goal and one goal only – to get myself and my baby girl to our own finish line. Because, you never quite know what you are training for!
The pregnancy was certainly not an easy one. A short cervix put me on no activity orders starting at week 14 of pregnancy. I ended up in the hospital for 9 days in December/January as I woke up in blood the day after Christmas and we got the scare that we might become parents way earlier than expected. Our Baby Girl was only 26 weeks at that time, so you could imagine our concern. But we pulled through that phase and spent the next 14 weeks pretty much stagnant and as stress free as I could be so that our Baby Girl would stay cooking!
Fast forward back to where I am sitting at North Valley Hospital, overdue and about to embark on my desire to have a natural drug free birth. I was ready to go, I had prepared myself physically and mentally for what was to happen. And, this story is for another day, but it was an incredibly beautiful experience and at 5:01 on April Fools Day we were given the blessing of a lifetime: Parker Mae Laabs!
So now here I am with a gorgeous 4 week old perfectly healthy baby girl. It is my wildest dream come true, but as with many women who go through this, a multitude of emotions flood in after giving birth….
Reading from a great recent article: “The Birth of a Mother” in the NY Times, it says a famous psychiatrist Dr. Daniel Stern showed that becoming a mother is an identity shift, and one of the most significant physical and psychological changes a woman will ever experience.
So now with this new journey of this identity shift, I struggle with the 60 lbs. that I put on during my long modified bed rest pregnancy. Looking at the shape I was in before I got pregnant is almost overwhelmingly out of reach at this point. Most days, my body does not even feel like mine anymore. But, I have to constantly and daily remind myself that I am a warrior and I will get back to where I was physically. But in due time…and with patience and grace and gentleness that I never knew possible before I had Parker, my steadfast partner in crime. It is with a newfound clarity that I start this 30 Day Reset…as truly, you never quite know what you are training for!
